Sex & the Cigar: Not three of a kind

11/21/08 - Dear Scarlet Buns,

I've been with my guy for a handful of years now. Whenever things get boring, or standard, or just plain bland for us we try something new. Be that a new restaurant, place, bed, style, toy it doesn't matter to us as long as its new.

We hit a bland patch again a few weeks back, we looked for something new but couldn't find anything...until last week when he suggested a threesome.

I like to think I'm an open person, and I'm not one to be possessive so I don't mind sharing him with another girl. Last night we got together and he was bringing the third so we could all meet. I wore my best, was excited, waited for them at the restaurant, they walk in...and it was another man!

This is not what I expected at all - and not something I think I'm actually up for yet. Two guys! HELP!

Any advice would be gorgeous.



- Two Men, Too Many



Dear Two Men, Too Many,



The first thing I would ask yourself is why was it okay when the threesome was with another girl? And what is it about having another guy in the bedroom for a night that freaks you out?

I can completely sympathize with the shock you must have been in when your boyfriend and another man came walking into the room.

Most men would jump at the chance of having another woman in the bed and completely shoot down any talk of the third party being another man.

While I cannot speak for what was going through your mind as they walked in, my mind would immediately jump to the conclusion that maybe he might be bisexual. I don't want to throw crazy ideas into your head that could potentially ruin your relationship and offend your boyfriend. It is a possibility though.

Maybe, having been with you for so long, he has become curious about what else is out there. It seems like you two are really comfortable with each other. If you can't let it go, I would sit him down and talk to him about why it bothered you. Ask him why he chose another guy instead of a girl.

Do NOT come straight out and say, "Hey sweetie. Umm ... are you gay?" That will only start a huge, unnecessary fight. I'm sure you're curious as to why he chose a guy. So find a way to word it that will work for him and not make him freak out.

While it may make you uncomfortable to see your guy with another man, what is it that bothers you about both of them pleasuring you? Tell him what about it makes you uncomfortable and talk it through with him. Maybe you two can compromise and figure this out.

And if you do decide to go through with this I suggest the Eiffel Tower. I'm not talking about the tower in France. Search it on urbandictionary.com.

I am concerned, however, that you said you hit these "bland patches" every so often. It's not uncommon for couples to get bored with the same routine. Usually though, it's a couple that's been together for quite a while. I would try and figure out why it is that you two hit these bland patches. Is there something lacking in your relationship?



- Scarlet Buns