Sex & the Cigar

11/07/08 - Dear Sex & the Cigar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and up until about a month ago, we had a very active, healthy sex-life. A month ago everything in the bedroom just came to a halt. I've tried fooling around with him but it really doesn't get much further than that. I don't know what to do. I feel like he's lost interest in me. I love him and I don't want our relationship to end because of this. What should I do?



Unappreciated



Dear Unappreciated,



There are a few things that this could be. Unfortunately, the

re's always the

chance that he has lost interest in your relationship and doesn't know how to tell you. However, he could also have just lost interest in the sex. Maybe he got bored of the same routine all the time.

Try spicing up your love life. Get him to go out dancing; being close and feeling your bodies against each other and together can definitely help get him in the mood.

When you two are out shopping, grab him in an empty elevator or against the car and try engaging in some passionate kissing. Now I'm not suggesting you go crazy and start doing the horizontal mambo in some sleazy parking lot, just enough to let him know you want him badly and can't wait to get home.

The fact that you are so into him will be a turn on.

On the other hand, he may not be bored. Maybe he just wants to be with you. I know, it's a little unconventional for guys but sometimes they surprise you.

Perhaps there was too much sex (OMG did she just say TOO MUCH sex?) and not enough time for you guys to just hang out. Try sitting down with him and ask him what's going on.

Let him know that you're feeling unappreciated. I'm sure he'll understand. I hope that helped. Good luck!



Scarlet Buns



Before I get into the details of what I think you could try, first, I have to bring up the elephant in the room. If this were my partner, I would have them strip in front of a heavy light in front of me and then examine them.

There's always the chance he cheated on you and got an STD, and does not want you to find out. Not likely mind you, but not something to rule out completely. It has happened to friends of mine in the past.

Anyway, my father always told me, "if you want to keep a song interesting, don't play the same phrase more than three times, otherwise, you're just a record player."

This is true in many things, and can be a great help if the passion has gone out of the relationship.

Try something different for three times. Costumes, toys, karma sutra, S&M etc., and see what happens. If after three times it is not working, move on to something else.

Also, risk of getting caught is always a great turn on, and while I agree with Bunsie up there about not going crazy, adding just enough risk can be a lifesaver. Just don't repeat my mistakes; make sure you know there will be NO ONE you know in the area you chose for this activity. Sorry, Mom.



Trenchcoat Flasher





All I have to say? A girl's best friend is a Cosmopolitan. The magazine, that is. Try flipping through the sex pages and pointing out things you'd like to try. Or pick up the sex positions calendar and plant it firmly on his desk in his room. Or by the bed. Be direct. If that doesn't pique his interest, well, I don't know what to tell you.



Tina FookMi