Symposium film explores coming out to family, peers

04/03/09 - For individuals questioning their sexuality, coming out to their loved ones can be a life-changing event-and each of their experiences is unique. The third day of the 15th Annual University of Rhode Island Symposium on Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer and Questioning (GLBTIQQ) Issues highlighted this experience.

"Coming Out Stories: Why We Tell Them, What They Mean," a combination film presentation and discussion, shared a group of older women's feelings concerning coming out in their communities.

"These are stories that haven't been covered and examined," Alexia Kosmider, academic adviser at the Feinstein Providence URI campus, said yesterday during her presentation.

She said many of her students struggle to understand the hardship of coming out. Today, with teenagers coming out earlier in their lives, as well as exposure to gay-alternative proms and parades, heterosexual students may underestimate the struggle of that decision, she explained.

"It's very important for younger people to know. I'm worried they don't know the history and the legacy," Kosmider said.

Her presentation aimed to change that. The approximately 20-minute long video showed a group of women in the Older Lesbian Energy (OLE) group, openly sharing their stories about revealing their sexuality. The women pictured were not named for confidentiality purposes.

For many of the women, the decision to come out was a long process.

One woman had come to terms with her own sexuality at the age of 52, after she had been married for more than 20 years.

"I was facing coming out to my children, my family, my congregation," the woman said.

After joining a support group for married lesbian women, she was able to come out to her husband, whom she divorced soon after.

Another contributor, a matronly woman with glasses, met her first partner while in the Air Force Nurse Corps in Vietnam. Before joining the military, she had been closeted, growing up in a Catholic household.

"[Religion] is ingrained in you," she said. "I always felt different, and I didn't know what it was." For many of the women, being open about their sexuality is still an ongoing struggle.

"Twenty-seven years later, I still don't feel like I'm comfortable yet," another OLE member said. Though she came out to her family more than two decades ago, she revealed her sexuality to her mother and brother just last year.

"For non-gay people, they think you have one story, coming out to your family. But I think it's a process," Kosmider said. "It could mean you lose friends, jobs. Young people don't always see that, in the North, where it's become more normalized."

After the completion of the film, the group of approximately 15 viewers discussed their reaction to the presentation.

"I found it interesting that so many women came out later in life," Adria Evans, a professor from the Providence campus, said.

Senior Heather Wright agreed. "It was interesting to listen to a generation's coming out stories that are different from my generation's," she said.

The talk then turned to current gay rights issues, particularly the proposed Matthew Shepard Act, which would expand hate-crimes legislation to include crimes against GLBT individuals.

"Every six hours someone is gay bashed," Andrew Winters, assistant to the vice president of student affairs, said. "Just because you can go to a club a little more easily, doesn't mean the job is done."

Added Kosmider, "Students often want to think [problems] are all gone, that we're moving forward. It is dangerous to think we have progress."

While the students who attended the event seemed to enjoy the presentation, they were dissatisfied by the amount of attendees.

"I was disappointed by the lack of student involvement. It's mostly older people, faculty or GLBT people from Rhode Island [at the Symposium]," freshman Marcus Hoffman said. "From what I've seen, there might be a lack of awareness or a lack of advertising.