2008 Woodie Awards
The Autumn Offering's Fear offers bad tunes, lame lyrics
Jackie Cole
Issue date: 4/3/08 Section: Entertainment
04/03/08 - The poignant, heartfelt lyrics of the opening line of The Autumn Offering's song "The Castaway" go like this: "Upon my crimson thorns/A king in my own mind/Encase my dying heart/These walls built far too high."
Oh, wait. No, no, no. I'm sorry, did I say "poignant" and "heartfelt"? Lord, I am terribly mistaken. What I meant to say was "ridiculously lame," "hilarious to the point of tear-producing laughter," and "reminiscent of something a character in Romeo and Juliet might have recited during Shakespeare's time."
This cannot possibly be music written and performed by living humans under the age of 200, can it? Are the five guys of The Autumn Offering really trying to pull a fast one on us all and convince us that this is good, quality music? This has got to be an April Fools' Day joke.
OK, OK, so maybe I'm being a little overly critical. Maybe I jumped the gun by prejudging and stereotyping the members of The Autumn Offering by paying attention solely to their album cover and the inside insert. The album cover, after all, features an all-black background with the band's name written in a golden-colored gothic-scroll. Beneath the band name is what appears to be their sort of "trademark": a golden eagle whose wings spanned the width of the cover, with the letters "TAO" in the middle of its chest (TAO obviously standing for The Autumn Offering). Then, underneath that oh-so-badass eagle, is the name of their album, Fear Will Cast No Shadow. What? Fear Will Cast No Shadow? Did you just name your album that?
Sigh. OK. So after realizing how easy it was for me to make fun of the band, based completely on their cover art, I decided that in order to be fair, I should listen to the actual music. I popped the disk into my laptop and turned the volume up. The first thing I heard sounds like a mix between a screaming baby, a dying wolf and fingernails scratching a chalkboard.
Confused, I take the CD out, dust it off and put it back into my computer. However this time, I hear the same exact thing. I realize, with much alarm, that this sound is intentional and it's coming from a human body.
Oh, wait. No, no, no. I'm sorry, did I say "poignant" and "heartfelt"? Lord, I am terribly mistaken. What I meant to say was "ridiculously lame," "hilarious to the point of tear-producing laughter," and "reminiscent of something a character in Romeo and Juliet might have recited during Shakespeare's time."
This cannot possibly be music written and performed by living humans under the age of 200, can it? Are the five guys of The Autumn Offering really trying to pull a fast one on us all and convince us that this is good, quality music? This has got to be an April Fools' Day joke.
OK, OK, so maybe I'm being a little overly critical. Maybe I jumped the gun by prejudging and stereotyping the members of The Autumn Offering by paying attention solely to their album cover and the inside insert. The album cover, after all, features an all-black background with the band's name written in a golden-colored gothic-scroll. Beneath the band name is what appears to be their sort of "trademark": a golden eagle whose wings spanned the width of the cover, with the letters "TAO" in the middle of its chest (TAO obviously standing for The Autumn Offering). Then, underneath that oh-so-badass eagle, is the name of their album, Fear Will Cast No Shadow. What? Fear Will Cast No Shadow? Did you just name your album that?
Sigh. OK. So after realizing how easy it was for me to make fun of the band, based completely on their cover art, I decided that in order to be fair, I should listen to the actual music. I popped the disk into my laptop and turned the volume up. The first thing I heard sounds like a mix between a screaming baby, a dying wolf and fingernails scratching a chalkboard.
Confused, I take the CD out, dust it off and put it back into my computer. However this time, I hear the same exact thing. I realize, with much alarm, that this sound is intentional and it's coming from a human body.