2008 Woodie Awards
Why good guys really come in last
Chris Ferdinandi
Issue date: 2/7/08 Section: Editorial/Opinion
02/07/08 - Jeremy, it was with great interest that I read your Feb. 6 article, "Why good guys come in last, sometimes." A former Cigar columnist myself, I too have written about the issue of Nice Guy Syndrome (NGS) in some detail. A quick Google search for the phrase "Chris Ferdinandi Dating" will bring you to the articles.
At any rate, I wanted to address your analysis of NGS in an attempt to help you and the countless guys out there who suffer from the same debilitating condition. You see, the problem isn't that you're nice. The problem is that you're a wuss.
Nice Guy Syndome
The simple truth is that women are not attracted to macho assholes because they're macho assholes. They're attracted to macho assholes because they're also confident, and confidence is sexy! No one appreciates a doormat.
You know the "women to bring home to mother" that you describe? Chances are she's confident - not a bitch, but self-assured, poised and graceful. Women want the same thing in a man (more or less - perhaps more gentlemanly than graceful!).
But don't be ashamed! Plenty of guys suffer the same affliction. I myself am a recovering wuss. The truth is, you actually have a strong and notable advantage over the "over-confident, over-gelled and over-cocky bad asses" that keep stealing potential women from your grasp before you've even had a chance to remove your hands from your pockets.
Here's why: you can learn to be more confident, and still be a nice guy; an asshole will -barring some catastrophic life-event - most likely always be an asshole!
Dropping the Inner Wuss (aka Growing a Pair)
Up to this point, I have been speaking in generalities, and as someone who self-identifies as "being one bold and friendly guy." You're probably wondering why I think you're a wuss. Allow me to provide some examples.
Confident guys don't kill women with kindness. That's unchallenging. It's boring. It's get old fast. How much fun would you have with a woman who doles over your every word like a stray puppy begging for attention? The appeal would wear off in about 35 seconds. Treat women with respect. Be chivalrous. But never "kill her with kindness."
At any rate, I wanted to address your analysis of NGS in an attempt to help you and the countless guys out there who suffer from the same debilitating condition. You see, the problem isn't that you're nice. The problem is that you're a wuss.
Nice Guy Syndome
The simple truth is that women are not attracted to macho assholes because they're macho assholes. They're attracted to macho assholes because they're also confident, and confidence is sexy! No one appreciates a doormat.
You know the "women to bring home to mother" that you describe? Chances are she's confident - not a bitch, but self-assured, poised and graceful. Women want the same thing in a man (more or less - perhaps more gentlemanly than graceful!).
But don't be ashamed! Plenty of guys suffer the same affliction. I myself am a recovering wuss. The truth is, you actually have a strong and notable advantage over the "over-confident, over-gelled and over-cocky bad asses" that keep stealing potential women from your grasp before you've even had a chance to remove your hands from your pockets.
Here's why: you can learn to be more confident, and still be a nice guy; an asshole will -barring some catastrophic life-event - most likely always be an asshole!
Dropping the Inner Wuss (aka Growing a Pair)
Up to this point, I have been speaking in generalities, and as someone who self-identifies as "being one bold and friendly guy." You're probably wondering why I think you're a wuss. Allow me to provide some examples.
Confident guys don't kill women with kindness. That's unchallenging. It's boring. It's get old fast. How much fun would you have with a woman who doles over your every word like a stray puppy begging for attention? The appeal would wear off in about 35 seconds. Treat women with respect. Be chivalrous. But never "kill her with kindness."