2008 Woodie Awards
Catching predators, boosting self-esteem
Caity Cudworth
Issue date: 2/6/08 Section: Entertainment
02/06/08 - At some point, everybody has a crisis of confidence.
Sure, you might think you're pretty fly now - maybe you even look in the mirror every morning and think, in the immortal words of MC Hammer, "Can't touch this."
But rest assured, eventually everybody's ego takes a hit. (Just look what happened to MC Hammer)
Fortunately, there's a quick and easy way to boost your self esteem when you're feeling low ... and the best part is (provided you're not a sexual predator) you don't even have to do anything.
Except turn on the TV: If you ever feel like a loser or a scumbag, the best way to boost your self-esteem (instantly!) is to watch "To Catch a Predator."
Let's say you lied to your parents or cut some dude off while driving. Ethically, these aren't great things to do, but, in the grand scheme of things, chances are you're probably a pretty decent person.
I mean, at least you aren't soliciting sex from 11-year-old girls over the Internet.
"To Catch a Predator" shows the creeps and deadbeats of the world in all their sad, shady glory. They drive (sometimes for five hours) to the homes of girls they've never met and show up all sweaty and creepy just for a shot at some totally statutory underage action.
Sometimes they even come bearing gifts for their hosts such as a handle of cheap vodka or some rope, which is, you know … thoughtful.
There was one episode where the guy even brought flowers for his prey, which was kind of a nice gesture. It's really the thought that counts, I guess.
It's like, "Sure, I'm about to molest you and if there weren't cameras here I might have ended up killing you and tossing your body in the back of my van. But, hey, hope you like geraniums."
Clearly, life has not been good to these pathetic weirdos. They give excuses about how they hate their wives or are hitting rock bottom. And for some reason it's always the "first time" they've ever done anything like this. (What terrible luck, huh? Getting caught the first time...)
Sure, you might think you're pretty fly now - maybe you even look in the mirror every morning and think, in the immortal words of MC Hammer, "Can't touch this."
But rest assured, eventually everybody's ego takes a hit. (Just look what happened to MC Hammer)
Fortunately, there's a quick and easy way to boost your self esteem when you're feeling low ... and the best part is (provided you're not a sexual predator) you don't even have to do anything.
Except turn on the TV: If you ever feel like a loser or a scumbag, the best way to boost your self-esteem (instantly!) is to watch "To Catch a Predator."
Let's say you lied to your parents or cut some dude off while driving. Ethically, these aren't great things to do, but, in the grand scheme of things, chances are you're probably a pretty decent person.
I mean, at least you aren't soliciting sex from 11-year-old girls over the Internet.
"To Catch a Predator" shows the creeps and deadbeats of the world in all their sad, shady glory. They drive (sometimes for five hours) to the homes of girls they've never met and show up all sweaty and creepy just for a shot at some totally statutory underage action.
Sometimes they even come bearing gifts for their hosts such as a handle of cheap vodka or some rope, which is, you know … thoughtful.
There was one episode where the guy even brought flowers for his prey, which was kind of a nice gesture. It's really the thought that counts, I guess.
It's like, "Sure, I'm about to molest you and if there weren't cameras here I might have ended up killing you and tossing your body in the back of my van. But, hey, hope you like geraniums."
Clearly, life has not been good to these pathetic weirdos. They give excuses about how they hate their wives or are hitting rock bottom. And for some reason it's always the "first time" they've ever done anything like this. (What terrible luck, huh? Getting caught the first time...)