2008 Woodie Awards
Thanksgiving Special: Things Caity is thankful for this year
Caity Cudworth
Issue date: 11/20/07 Section: Entertainment
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11/20/07 - In 1620, the Pilgrims, in search of religious freedom, left England and sailed to the New World. Once there, they became fast friends with the resourceful and (spiritually) rich Native Americans, who taught them how to plant corn and survive in the vast, uncultivated wilderness. To celebrate their bounty of corn and freedom, and their new and in no way exploitive relationship with the Native Americans, they all sat down to eat a merry, giant feast.
At least that's the version of history I learned in elementary school, and, because it contains no disturbing references to genocidal warfare or deadly small pox epidemics caused by infected blankets, I'm going to stick with it.
Thanksgiving is a more festive holiday if you don't think about how, technically, we almost exterminated an entire race of people and celebrated by eating pie.
But, like the Pilgrims, who were thankful that they had just taken over an awesome piece of real estate (America) and also, that they hadn't succumbed to hypothermia and starvation, I too, am thankful:
Firstly, I am thankful that Britney Spears isn't pregnant with another kid. Really, two children is a much larger contribution to the gene pool than necessary for her and Kevin Federline. Hopefully those two poor, damaged kids will be the end of it for Britney, the most entertaining (ie: troubled) icon of our time.
Because, despite the fact that Britney has been pretty good about wearing underwear lately, and although she lovingly fills her kids' bottles with Coca-Cola, and hand feeds them Cheetos, she's still not quite sane enough to raise a human being. You know it's not exactly a stable family situation when K-Fed is deemed the more fit parent by the courts.
Secondly, I'm thankful that there are at least a couple decent alternatives to Fred Claus this holiday season. "American Gangster" has been out for a while now but it's still a solid alternative to Vince Vaughn in an elf costume.
At least that's the version of history I learned in elementary school, and, because it contains no disturbing references to genocidal warfare or deadly small pox epidemics caused by infected blankets, I'm going to stick with it.
Thanksgiving is a more festive holiday if you don't think about how, technically, we almost exterminated an entire race of people and celebrated by eating pie.
But, like the Pilgrims, who were thankful that they had just taken over an awesome piece of real estate (America) and also, that they hadn't succumbed to hypothermia and starvation, I too, am thankful:
Firstly, I am thankful that Britney Spears isn't pregnant with another kid. Really, two children is a much larger contribution to the gene pool than necessary for her and Kevin Federline. Hopefully those two poor, damaged kids will be the end of it for Britney, the most entertaining (ie: troubled) icon of our time.
Because, despite the fact that Britney has been pretty good about wearing underwear lately, and although she lovingly fills her kids' bottles with Coca-Cola, and hand feeds them Cheetos, she's still not quite sane enough to raise a human being. You know it's not exactly a stable family situation when K-Fed is deemed the more fit parent by the courts.
Secondly, I'm thankful that there are at least a couple decent alternatives to Fred Claus this holiday season. "American Gangster" has been out for a while now but it's still a solid alternative to Vince Vaughn in an elf costume.