Simpsons writer riffs on Harvard, Bush at URI

By: Justin Oswald

Posted: 4/6/07

04/06/07 - For more than 17 years, Mike Reiss has worked his magic as a member of The Simpsons writing team, and he shared his experiences last night at the University of Rhode Island.

Reiss spoke about his experiences as a writer, while throwing in some political jargon, and bashing the "dumb" University of Arkansas last night in Edwards Auditorium.

The audience last night was a bright group of people compared to UA because they actually laughed and were not captivated by the stunning new technology of a microphone, Reiss said.

In his performance, Reiss was more of a stand up comedian than a lecturer.

Reiss entertained the audience with one-liners for the hour he was on stage.

"He had a bunch of good one-liners - he had some zings in there," senior Christina Louth said.

Another one of Reiss' one-liners was in response to a question he usually gets from students. "Do you have to drink and smoke and get f**ked up to write for The Simpsons?" Reiss said.

Answering that question he said, "You can't write The Simpsons on drugs. You can write Spongebob Squarepants on drugs."

Reiss, for the audience's listening pleasure, comprised a list of oxymoron words to go with The Simpsons family values, such as McDonalds food, Fox News, President Bush. These word combinations received some of the most laughter of the night.

Reiss, a 1981 alumnus of Harvard University, compared a Harvard education to burning $150,000 in your backyard. He quickly corrected that statement, saying it was more like $180,000.

Reiss also said all of the guest stars on the show have been pleasant, except for "someone whose first name is Oprah," with intentions of keeping the name anonymous.

"Oprah was the worst guest star with the biggest freakin' head ever. The woman could play herself in Disneyland," Reiss said.

During his talk Reiss asked if anyone had heard of the television show and movie Queer Duck, and one person applauded.

"You just came out," Reiss said.

Reiss showed a clip of Queer Duck in which a homosexual bear sang about baseball and how "gay" of a sport it is.

Baseball players in the clip sang merrily: "We play hard for hours, and that's just in the showers."

Reiss was also a contributing writer to The Johnny Carson Show, where he was required to write 60 jokes a day, and The Critic, an animated show.

Another question Reiss said he often heard was, "What would you do if you couldn't write comedy?"

His routine answer was, "I'd write for King of the Hill."

Reiss apologized for his political outburst at the beginning of his talk, and he said it was not the reason he was here, although it drew laughter from the audience of about 70 people.

"President Bush is like Satan with a learning disorder," Reiss said.

Even someone not a fan of The Simpsons found the night worthwhile.

"I'm not a Simpsons fan and I thought he was really funny," senior Allison Pirolli said.

When leaving the stage, Reiss thanked the audience for giving him an excuse to get out of Los Angeles, a Spanish phrase according to him that means "Satan's a**hole."