The G-Spot: Hypocrisy in the frog penis debate

By: Greg Elias

Posted: 4/7/05

04/07/05 - The definition of commercial decency in this country is now a deadly game of Frogger.

Late-night commercials pander to the viewer's base needs. Whether they're the Spring Break postcards of "Girls Gone Wild" or the fire sale of pop music soundbites, these ads count on the viewers' subconscious.

The monopoly in the burgeoning ringtone industry is undoubtedly Jamster, which spans three mediums by advertising on TV and sending the viewer to their phone or computer to order a piece of a song.

Overseas, Jamster even boasted a £10 million profit by early February for a ringtone featuring a frog making an annoying noise. The company called it "the most successful ringtone in the world" by late January, and a dance mix was played on UK radio. Despite this overwhelming appeal and success, 60 people complained about the ad.

The point of contest was that said frog happens to be wearing a leather vest and goggles while riding an invisible motorcycle. You can also see his penis, and he is blue.

According to the UK's Advertising Standards Authority, "While unusual for an animated model of this type to be shown with genitalia, no sexual or inappropriate references were made about its anatomy." The blue frog's penis held out under the glaring eye of mother Britain's decency standard.

America, the rebel child of the crown, is getting in on the ringtone craze a little late. The frog broke in during the dead of winter, bringing warmth to an embattled northeast. Its penis didn't stay long.

Putting a black box or a classy leaf over a cartoon frog's penis acknowledges the creation of a frog with external genitalia, but says, "I don't embrace the idea." This is exactly what broadcasters have done, bucking the trend in governmental terms by censoring a late night commercial. What was once the den of 900-numbers and John Basedow has become an interactive playground with a strict pants policy.

Is it paranoid to consider this a symptom of American broadcasting's move towards greater decency awareness surrounding the use of sex? Beer commercials are still overtly sexual, and their history has influenced the use of deed-related concepts by companies as totally withdrawn from sex as Overstock.com.

If a blue frog with an external penis didn't exist, someone would have to create it. To xacknowledge a goggles and leather-wearing blue frog's fictional external penis as sexual imagery is absurd. Consider the implications of any ad that uses human sexuality to sell a product, and then think about how much the frog turned you on.

A funny way to bend your mind is to try to look at this optimistically, thinking maybe the complaints were scientific in nature. "A frog with an external penis is generally ridiculous. Please correct this danger to the public's collective knowledge of amphibians at once." That's the good of the people.

But it was probably someone with children who thought that frog should have had a real motorcycle. What really matters is that America has finally hit that wall where sexual imagery across the board is considered indecent, unless it proves successful for a major moneymaker. Thankfully, this concept will help crush the hopes of the frog tone breaking through across the pond.

Join arms with Janet Jackson and Nicolette Sheridan, naked frog. You're a cultural symbol.