Sex and the Cigar: Is attraction necessary for a relationship?

By: Daisy Sweet

Posted: 10/4/07

10/04/07 - I'm in a relationship with someone, and we're very good for each other. We get along great, similar sense of humor, and we enjoy spending time with each other. We have sex and it's pretty good, but the problem is that I don't find her as sexually attractive as I like. We still have good sex but I'm not as aroused by her physically as I have been by other people, and I find myself constantly longing for a more attractive sexual partner. Does this mean we're in a relationship that can't work out?

- Just not seeing it

What you have here is an age-old dilemma. Everything is going great except for one thing. For most people, the problem is usually something trivial like the partner chews with their mouth open while eating or they shout 'Shazam' repeatedly while climaxing. Those are things that people can get over, or just adapt to. Your problem is a bit more complex though. Physical attraction plays such a large part for couples that in most cases, without it the future looks bleak. I mean, no one gets excited about driving a beat up, on its last leg '93 Buick LeSabre. It's the Lamborghini Murcielago with every bell and whistle known to man that you want to cruise around in. Don't mistake me here. I'm certainly not saying that your relationship has no potential to work. It really depends on your level of dedication to the girl and how emotionally connected you are. Perhaps in time you will be able to see past this and realize that since everything else is so great she isn't worth giving up. However, at this point in our young lives how do you make the decision to settle with 90 percent perfect? Granted, the odds of finding the absolute perfect woman are low (blow up dolls don't count, and neither does your mother) but sex is too big a part to ignore. Let's be honest with ourselves here. For most of us, at this age we love sex. There is nothing better then a quickie in between biology and writing 101, or a late night booty call come the weekend. How can you go on denying yourself the full enjoyment of these blissful moments? If your constantly longing for something more, you're not just hurting yourself but her as well. You may be the kind of gentleman who makes sure that both parties are equally satisfied (perhaps multiple times) with the main event. However, speaking from experience, you can tell when the partner just isn't entirely into it. It's perfectly fine if your imagination drifts off to thoughts of Pamela Anderson and a bottle of chocolate sauce in order to keep things up and moving quickly during that mid-afternoon session before your roommate gets back from class. When you make love though (the passion filled, slow kiss and tender touch kind of ordeal that shows the person just how much you care for them) you should be attracted and attentive to every ounce of their being. It may be time to let her find that kind of passion elsewhere. That will also give you time to find that sex kitten you've been craving. I hope you understand that the decision is yours to make. Weigh the options, and determine what exactly is more important to you at this interval in your life.

Relationship woes? Problems with the hoes? Write to me at Sexandthecigar@yahoo.com