Thr33 Ringz isn't worth price of admission

12/04/08 - Not since Cher has a singer derived as much success from voice technology as T-Pain. As sad as it is to call the man behind "Buy U a Drank (Shawty Snappin')" and "I'm N Luv (With a Stripper)" an innovator, it stands that T-Pain introduced a new style into today's mainstream hip-hop scene. A hook from T-Pain seems to be all it takes for a rapper to score a number one; how else do you think Flo Rida could sell records?

Amidst the deluge of guest appearances, T-Pain has released his own albums as well, including his latest, Thr33 Ringz. How does the King of Auto-tuning fare?

Not great. The album is a veritable circus of bland, uninspired club tracks, good concepts that fail in execution, and horrible concepts that should have never seen the light of day.

Let's start with "Can't Believe It," the leadoff single that is currently inescapable in clubs. Its ubiquity is confusing, however, when you consider that it is a bland, plodding, down-tempo number with no hook to speak of.

Clever almost-rhymes like "I can put you in a mansion / somewhere in Wisconsin" can't save this song from being the least danceable song you'll hear on your night out in Providence. However, it does give you a perfect place to take a break and get another drink.

Other noteworthy tracks include "Chopped n' Skrewed," its chorus sounds literally like a CD skipping. It's an interesting idea on paper, but listening to it is just annoying.

Less annoying but less interesting are "Freeze" and "Blowing Up," featuring Chris Brown and Ciara respectively. They're both sort of catchy, and the guest vocals mesh well with T-Pain's (Brown's especially). However, you're certain to forget both tracks less than 10 minutes after hearing them.

Another clever idea that Pain botched is "Long Lapdance," a fourth-wall smashing, down-tempo bump-and-grind in which T-Pain laments spending money on lapdances that only last three minutes. To counteract this travesty, he's decided to make his own "Long Lapdance" song, and it's a clever idea, but you won't be thinking that while you're waiting for the four-minute and 36-second song to end.

Unless, of course, you are the one receiving the lapdance.

The low point of the album however is "Change" a just plain bad re-working of Eric Clapton's "If I Could Change the World," in which T-Pain overdoes his usual auto-tuned singing into an un-listenable mess, and guest Akon declares that "race crimes, hate crimes will never exist / I'll turn every bullet to a Hershey's kiss."

It's not all bad. When T-Pain decides to go completely off the deep end with his ideas, the results can be marvelous. On "Therapy" he declares to his soon-to-be-ex girl, "1, 2, 3, 4 / get the hell up out my door / 5, 6, 7, 8, / I don't need your sex, I'll masturbate," and on "Superstar Lady" he sings about a new woman, "freaky in the bed, I tie her up just like a mummy / I got to let her meet my mommy!"

Whether these lyrics are awesome or just awesomely bad, they are for sure more entertaining than anything else on this album, and represent the direction that I personally feel T-Pain should head in. Along with the amusing (at first listen) skits that pepper with the album, they demonstrate that Pain is one funny dude. Funny doesn't make for a strong album, but it does show promise, and it does make me want to see him do better next time.

For now though, this is a "Thr33 Ringz" circus that is far from the Greatest Show on Earth.