MTV's 'The Hills' star Lauren Conrad answers students' questions, avoids cameras during SEC's Fall Frenzy

11/17/09 - "Don't take any pictures. Not even on your phone. If we see you taking pictures, we will confiscate your phone or camera and delete all your pictures." These were the words with which attendees to Lauren Conrad's Monday night talk at the University of Rhode Island's Ryan Center , part of the Student Entertainment Committee's Fall Frenzy, were greeted. As the audience filed into their seats, Ryan Center employees approached anyone they saw with a camera to remind them that it absolutely must be put away when Lauren came out, or it would be taken.

Even before Lauren took the stage, it was hard not to wonder why pictures of the star being taken would be such an issue. Normally a company has enough faith in its product that word-of-mouth and customer testimonials are considered a boon, but Conrad's handlers don't seem to share this idea.

Perhaps the reason is that when Conrad is not glammed up to appear for television, it becomes fairly obvious that there is very little to say about the reality show celebrity.

The program began abruptly when a representative from the URI Student Entertainment Committee began to interview her without Conrad even deigning to introduce herself to the fans who had come out and paid $12 to hear what she had to say. Now as horrific as it is that anyone out there, let alone a college student ostensibly with goals and ambitions, paid money to hear a glorified Paris Hilton talk about what it's like to be famous for no reason, these fans should have the right to be treated as something more than a fly on the wall.

As bored as the crowd seemed during this segment of the program, their boredom could not even come close to that obviously felt by Conrad herself. There was no energy, no personality, no life. It was as if, in a moment of existential anguish at the emptiness of her life, she was having second thoughts about pursuing such vapid goals. Hell, as I sat there, trying in vain to feel a bit of interest as she talked about what it's like to live in Los Angeles ("I love it, it's a really cool place to be and do the things I do") or what her favorite things to wear are ("during the day, skinny jeans, and at night, mini cocktail dresses"), I wondered what more productive things I could be doing with my time, such as curing cancer, volunteering my time to help orphans, or clipping my toenails.

When the floor was opened to questions from the audience, the night didn't fare much better. It's hard to say whether the questions or the responses were more asinine. Although Conrad made it pretty clear the first time someone asked about Speidi that she didn't really speak with them anymore and clearly didn't want to answer questions about them, the audience was far too eager to ask whether she really fought with them, or whether Spencer really apologized to her, or whether she really wanted to go to their wedding. And despite the fact that Conrad stated that she was dating someone, many of the small number of male URI students who turned up still saw fit to embarrass themselves by asking if she would want to go out with them, or what she looks for in a man.

But it's not really a surprise. For all the glamour of her quasi-celebrity status, there's really not a lot to say. If you were dying to know what Lauren's favorite alcoholic beverage is (vodka-water, or the "skinny bitch") or how Lauren liked filming in Paris ("Paris was amazing and a little hectic. It was beautiful"), or what her favorite thing to shop for is (shoes), I guess you might have been satisfied. However, if you're really interested in the minutiae of the life of someone on the television screen, I doubt satisfaction is a very common feeling.

Perhaps the most poignant moment of the night came when a student asked Conrad "What do you want to be remembered for 40 years from now?" After nearly a minute of silence, presumably in which the star scoured her experiences and plans for something even almost significant or fulfilling, Conrad responded half-heartedly.

"I don't know, to be remembered you have to do something really great," Conrad said. "I haven't really done anything groundbreaking."

At least no one can say that she's delusional.

As the question-and-answer portion of the program came to a close, the fans were given the chance to stand in line for autographs and to meet the star in person. However, as the program came to an end the cameras came out in droves, hoping to snap a picture of the speaker. Unbelievably, the need for Conrad not to be photographed outweighed the respect for the fans, as Conrad was quickly ushered, with her back turned to the disappointed line of fans, behind the stage. While being a fan of such a vapid, useless celebrity is something I certainly cannot understand, it's shameful that a woman whose occupation is to appear on television would ditch these fans because some of them were taking pictures of her. I can only hope that this disappointing showing will serve as the impetus for these fans to realize that Lauren Conrad is not worth the time it takes to watch one episode of The Hills, and that they might be better served spending their days working towards something more fulfilling than being a reality-TV pseudo-celebrity. You know, like clipping your toenails.