Jackie's Ridiculous Rants and Review: Van Morrison better lover than Akon

04/04/07 - A little ranting, a little reviewing ... If I piss you off, confuse you or make you want to tear this newspaper in pieces, I've done my job. If I make you laugh, I guess that's OK, too. That's the purpose of my column. Call me old-fashioned and lame, but I've always been a hopeless romantic at heart. I am a sucker for the seemingly outdated days of chivalry, when men acted like superheroes, selflessly throwing their jackets onto cold, muddy puddles so their female friends would never have to deal with such an atrocity as getting a splash of dirt on their stilettos.

However, "now-a-days" in 2007, and for at least the past decade or so, our culture seems to be losing touch with our romantic side. Instead, there has been a weird, sudden popularization by the media and by pop culture that seems to be rewarding a more carefree and "no strings attached" approach versus a dedicated, exclusive approach.

Take for example, the hip-hop and rap artist Akon. Two of his most recent hits have been called "I Wanna Fuck You" and "Smack That."

Just the fact that the title of the first song was so vulgar that radio and media had to censor the dreaded F-bomb and chnage to "love" ("I Wanna Love You") is ironic in itself. I hope to God that this switch of words was merely based on convenience and the fact that they are both four-letter, single-syllable words, rather than the media "people" thinking that this song has anything to do with love in any degree.

Both of these songs contain lyrics that millions of teeny boppers and college kids alike were chanting months after they were released, as if they were a new national anthem. Neither of these songs promote any kind of committed, emotional relationship between two people, but more of a "one night stand," "your ass looks good tonight, let's have sex" approach.

Now that I have bashed modern pop culture to a reasonable degree, let's take a look at a time when, in my opinion, singers, songwriters and movie writers all seemed to value love, intimacy and affection more than crazy sex with some "ho" you'll never talk to again and could possibly impregnate.

One of the most talented artists of this time, both lyrically and instrumentally is the good, old-fashioned romancer Van Morrison.

Van and his smooth, manly crooning recently released a sort of "best of" album, At The Movies. At the Movies is, as you probably could have guessed from its title, a collection of Mr. Morrison's 19 most popular songs commonly featured in films.

The songs included on the album can be heard on a variety of movies, from classics Thelma and Louise and Born On The Fourth of July to modern flicks Bridget Jones' Diary and Fever Pitch.

It even features an amazing and somewhat chilling version of Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb," which was recorded in the early 1990s with Pink Floyd's singer and songwriter Roger Waters. This version was featured in last year's blockbuster and Oscar winner The Departed.

Of course, Van didn't forget to include my personal favorite, "Brown Eyed Girl," which was featured in the 1989 film Born On The Fourth of July. This song is the epitome of a cute, "summer romance" love song, the kind we really need more of these days.

Also, as far as the romantic songs go, Van included the absolutely adorable and somewhat slower songs "Baby Please Don't Go," featured in Wild At Heart, and "Someone Like You," which has been in countless films.

So, if you're any bit as lame and girly as I am, and are sick of the monotonous tunes of talentless rappers like Akon and Chamillionaire, my advice to you is to rent a few of the aforementioned flicks (preferably Bridget Jones) and embrace your hopelessly romantic, girly self while listening to the classic tunes of Van.