Get wasted and watch, 'Heroes,' 'Oprah': popular TV shows act as drinking games

10/03/08 - What a bummer, right? That creeping realization that the writers of your favorite shows are sticking to the same tired formula, season after season? That everything happening on your TV has happened before and will, more than likely, happen again? What do you do in that situation? True, you could find something new to watch, or, God forbid, turn off the TV and go outside, but who really wants to do that?

If only there were a way to experience your favorite shows again the way you did when you first saw them, when you eagerly anticipated every twist and turn, rather than rolled your eyes with bemused irritation.

The solution to this (and most of life's problems) is alcohol. The drinking game has made otherwise un-watchable television something to be enjoyed thoroughly since TV's black-and-white days. So round up your buddies and get the party cracking!



"Heroes":

Take a shot and smash your glass on your forehead in frustration every time a main character has an easy shot at killing Sylar and fails to do so. Take three shots if you ever find yourself agreeing with a decision made by Mohinder. Take a swig whenever Hiro freezes time. Hold it in your mouth until time resumes its normal pace.

When Monica uses her power to mimic physical actions, take two sips and do your best to mimic her in your drunken stupor.

Take a sip every time Hiro smiles. Finish the bottle if Peter or Claire ever smile. After the amount of alcohol consumed before one commercial break, you may believe yourself to have superpowers, but your imagined ability of super-quietness does not work on your RA, so keep it down!



"The Oprah Winfrey Show":

Okay, so maybe 4 p.m. is a little early to be drinking, but it may be hard to resist with such high potential for drinking game intoxication. If the episode happens to be an "Oprah's Favorite Things" special, take a sip for every hundred dollars out of your price range each item costs. If Oprah sasses an audience member, take one sip; if an audience member sasses Oprah, take two.

In the case of serious subject matter, when Oprah's normally perfectly-held composure begins to slip, begin sipping slowly and constantly until she cuts to commercial. If Oprah ever mentions Stedman or her past, finish your drink.

If she ever has Gov. Sarah Palin as a guest, drink an entire keg.



"Family Guy":

Don't pretend you don't watch Family Guy re-runs every night at 11 p.m. on Adult Swim. You've probably seen every episode four times. How could you possibly make it fresh again? Easy. Acquire at least seven bottles of assorted hard liquors.

Every time the scene switches to something completely unrelated, take a sip and switch to another bottle. Take two sips every time something from Rhode Island is mentioned. Finish your drink whenever any character shows Meg the most basic respect or human decency.



The 2008 Presidential Debate:

Budweiser for Republicans, Cosmopolitans for Democrats. Take a sip every time John McCain says "experience" or Barack Obama says "change."

Start chugging when a candidate goes over the time limit and don't stop until they do. One sip whenever a candidate tries to look good by saying something nice about their opponent, and one sip whenever a candidate passive-agressively insults their opponent. One additional sip is in order if the candidate manages to do both in the same sentence.

Finish your drink if you find yourself legitimately inspired by something either candidate says. If this isn't enough to get you plastered, just keep drinking in order to try and forget that one of these idiots is going to be our next president!