Celeb Profile: Britney Spears goes completely freakin' crazy

03/08/07 - Charles Manson, Hannibal Lecter and Ted Kaczynski. If Britney Spears isn't careful, she's going to lump herself into a group and straightjacket with those crazies. Granted, completely cutting off one's hair isn't quite the same as mass murder conspiracy or eating someone's face for breakfast, but it's close. The once innocent schoolgirl who asked nothing more of us than to hit her just once more has most assuredly gone off the deep end.

As I'm sure many readers are aware, Britney Spears recently had the shortest possible stint in a rehabilitation facility ever. She checked herself in, refused to stay, then checked out. Based on what happened next, Spears probably would have been better off in a padded room eating through a straw.

Reports claim that Spears was seen outside a San Fernando Valley hair salon crying in her car for 10 minutes before having the salon opened especially for her. Inside she asked the hairdresser to shave her head. When she refused, Spears grabbed the shears and did it herself.

Remember that skin-tight red leather jump suit from the "Oops, I Did It Again" video? Yeah, I do too. That's the Britney Spears I miss, the sexy 18-year-old Princess of Pop. At this point, I'd even settle for the slightly scandalous, trashy-looking Spears of 2004 and her very memorable "Toxic" video.

At least then she wasn't a bald, divorced addict with two kids and a destroyed career. Her life sounds pretty awful when you spell it all out like that.

Forbes magazine, however, still estimates her net-worth to be in the $100 million range, meaning I'd still date her if she asked. Just look at what it did for Kevin Federline. Sure he's just a white-trash loser, but he's a loser who dated Britney Spears and had kids with her. He's set for life. Plus, he's sort of making his own money now, maybe.

As you probably could have guessed, Spears admitted herself to a treatment facility in Malibu, Calif. a few days later. Her manager released a statement that read, "We ask that the media respect her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time." Spears had left the facility briefly but returned a few days later.

Former husband Kevin Federline reportedly requested an emergency court hearing regarding the custody of his children with Spears. His lawyer later announced that his client cancelled the court appearance with no further explanation.

I'm going to side with Federline on this one. I'd want my children out of the clutches of that madwoman too. Who knows what she'd shave off their bodies? She probably threw some cash his way to shut him up and cancel the hearing. Good for him. You've got to milk that broken marriage for all it's worth.

In closing, I never thought I'd say this, but I respect Kevin Federline a lot more than Britney Spears at this point, and I'd trust any future kids with him over her.