Author regrets missing 'Slime Time Live' appearance because of lack of goggles

9/30/09 - When we were all kids watching Nickelodeon, every child enjoyed that famous green slime. We loved to see that green goo dumped on unsuspecting participants in the plethora of shows Nickelodeon hosted. What kid would want to be covered in cold green goo only so he or she could run around and hug random strangers, embarrassing every relative in the vicinity?

So many memories can be tied to slime, like watching Danny Tamberelli on "Figure It Out" fling his long hair back soaking the crowd or Lori Beth Denberg possibly eating it, or the sexy Summer Sanders just enjoying it way too much.

I was eight years old and at Disney World and Universal Studios what could be better? I was rocking a Red Sox hat, Nike Airs, some cheap plastic sunglasses that I got in my happy meal earlier that week, face paint from "A Bugs Life 3D," a Terry Glenn Patriots jersey and a root beer.

I was looking too good for any eight year old lady that may have been looking on that fine spring day.

My family and I were walking to the Jaws ride when we stumbled on this crowd full of cameras that were too big, with annoying kids and moms wearing Coke bottle eyeglasses. Not too exciting for me, but then I realized what I was looking at: "Slime Time Live."

"Slime Time" was a commercial filler tin which kids who couldn't answer random questions correctly, or complete their ridiculous challenges, were slimed.

So, my family decided to chill there for a bit. I was checking out some eight year-old tail when I felt someone touch my shoulder. It was this crazy, curly-haired lady who looked like that weird cousin no one talks to in your family. The one that wears UFO pants and has a stunner piercing.

I was chosen to go on "Slime Time Live." It was like all the gifts of Christmas morning just punched me in the back of the head and plowed my face into my birthday cake.

I don't even think losing my virginity could have topped this pure sensation of euphoria that can only be reached by the wide-eyed innocence of a child.

As they prepped me to go on, and my sisters stood in the background pouting for their lack of luck that only I inherited, I noticed something was off.

There were no goggles. I needed goggles! Fear soon set in. I didn't want to get slimed. I had to get out of there if there were no goggles. What if the slime got in my eyes? How would I get the slime off? Do I have to walk around all day covered in goo?

So I asked the crazy curly-haired lady if I would get goggles. She promptly said "no." She was a real slime ball for someone who worked with kids.

I asked again if she could maybe, please find me goggles. The curly-haired jerk sighed and walked away only to re-appear with the host of the show Dave Aizer.

Aizer tried to talk me into going on the show without goggles, but by now, I had worked myself up more than Terrell Owens after getting traded again. I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped up out of the seat and just ran. Like Forrest Gump, I just kept running with my 'rents trailing in my wake.

To this day I regret not participating. To this day I still don't know why I couldn't do it without goggles. I just can't figure out why I was so scared.

I was almost on "Slime Time Live," I almost lived the dream.