Akon: Stand-up comedian or singer?

04/29/08 - I remember the first day that I logged onto the University of Rhode Island homepage and I saw it right there in front of me. I could not contain myself, for this had to be one of the most hilarious acts to ever set foot at our middle-of-nowhere, set-among-cornfields filled-with-cows-and-chickens university.

Nothing against the cows and chickens, because I find them adorable, but in an environment like that, it just seemed purely humorous that the Student Entertainment Committee would pull off something like this. I rubbed my eyes and took another glance at my computer screen to make sure I had read it correctly. Sure enough, it loomed in front of me on the screen, and this time I could not hold back my laughter.

Akon, the same "artist" who "sings" the "song" "Smack That" (if you've never heard it, the title explains everything) and features harmonizing chipmunks in his work, was making an appearance at URI. I could not help but LOL.

I realized I absolutely had to get tickets to this show. If nothing else, it would be worth a few more laughs. Little did Akon know that there was one white girl out there who was buying tickets to his show assuming he'd be a stand-up comedian rather than a rapper.

Finally, after weeks of anticipation and the repetitive playing of "Don't Matter" on my iPod, the night of the concert arrived. As we pulled on our Baby Phat hoodies and matching pink Timberlands, my best friend and I went over our idea of how we thought the night might go.

"I mean, the show can't last for more than an hour, could it? He can't have more than three or four songs, right?" she said, sarcastically, "although, he does have that one tear-jerker, that song 'Smack That,' so poignant."

After a few sprays of Ciara's latest eau de toilet, we dashed to the Ryan center with our best senses of humor intact. As the man of the night strolled out onto the stage, decked out in his white T-shirt, classy white leather belt and dark-wash blue jeans, the crowd (filled primarily with skinny white girls) went wild.

He began with all the classics, you know, all the songs from his "greatest hits" collection. You can be sure that "Smack That" was in there, and that every girl in the crowd made very creative and very original "smacking" motions with their hands whenever the "chorus" of the song came on. This, in itself, being worthy of laughter.

My man then launched into a heartwarming story about the time when he had just gotten out of prison for the first time and fell deeply in love with "the most beautiful girl in the world." However, there was a small problem with this girl: Akon's family didn't accept her for who she was.

Why, you ask? Well, you see, this girl was a stripper and his family just didn't approve. But, nonetheless, being the faithful man that he is, Akon stuck by her side. Was this story true or just complete BS? I couldn't tell ya, but it gave him a great excuse to tear off his white Tee and made a perfect segue into the first half of "I'm In Love With A Stripper" (which is by T-Pain) and nearly three-quarters of "Don't Matter" (apparently he doesn't like to sing entire songs, maybe he can't remember all the words?)

Then things really got crazy. Akon, who expressed his disappointment with the number of "ladies" on the floor numerous times throughout the show, invited the entire audience out of their seats and down onto the floor. He then jumped into the crowd and sang what I'm pretty sure were the same first five songs that he opened the show with.

In the end, I can't complain. The guy knows how to party. After finally touching his ankle (sigh,) my friend and I left the show dripping with sweat, missing a shoe and a shirt.