Sex & the Cigar

10/09/08 - Dear Sex & the Cigar,

OK. So this is awkward. I'm a freshman and I kind of party a lot. I met this really cute guy at a party. I thought he was cute for the moment ... things changed. I woke up the next morning and ... well, there was NO graceful exit. To make things worse, I was naked, make-up smudged, twiddling my thumbs and wishing I had just gone home with my girlfriends. What the heck is a girl to do the morning after?!



- Awkward Turtle



Dear Awkward Turtle,



Eek. Tricky situation. Well, if the guy is cute, I always advocate a big smile and discreetly grabbing the gum you've stashed in your purse for such occasions. Let him talk first. Does he seem like he wants you to stay? Then wrap a blanket around your sinful self and get to know the guy. Physically, mentally ... anyone up for breakfast? Might wanna introduce yourself, too.

If he's an ugger and you're reeling from the six shots you took last night after challenging the "hottie" to a case race ... Well, that's a bit more difficult.

Depending on the day, quickly checking your cell phone and an "OMG I have to meet a friend for lunch!" can work wonders. Yeah, you might look like a bitch, but hey, you don't have to impress anyone. If he wants you to stay, politely telling him that "you don't normally do things like this" and "it's best if we just stay friends," will work, too. Granted, he will see right through it, but it's the thought that counts ...

On a side note ... next time you go out, work the buddy system. Girlfriends will mostly tell you if the guy you're going home with doesn't seem worth it or is bad news. Listen to them! Your girls are your best friends ... that extra four shots of tequila? Not so much.

Hope that helped!

- Tina Fookmi



Dear Awkward Turtle,


First thing you should know is that many drunken college students have woken up in this same situation. So chill and take a deep breath, your reputation is still salvageable.

Did you wake up first? One course of action in this situation would be to try and wiggle yourself out of wherever you are and leave.

However, there's always that chance that you both forgot what a condom was in your drunken stupor. So I suggest finding out his name, at the very least, before leaving.

If he's still there, I'd wait until he woke up just for the sake of finding out if you did use a condom and, if he's cute, get to know him. You never know. People have met their future spouses in stranger situations.

One thing I always do to avoid this awkward situation is when I go to a party, I set an alarm on my phone to go off in the morning. That way, if it is awkward and I need a way out, I can always pretend it was a phone call and I need to leave. If you didn't do that, make an excuse for having to leave, or just be honest.

Tell him you're going to go, that last night was awesome, just to boost his self confidence (even if you can't remember) and leave. Why make it more complicated than it needs to be?

Once you're out of there, I suggest running to the nearest drug store and picking up the Plan B pill. It can be bought over the counter if you're over 18 years old and it costs about $50. I know it seems like a lot, but if you play, you're going to pay.

Good luck!

- Scarlet Glory-Hole



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